Oh My Gawd
by Chauncey Chu
Summary: Another sizzling summer day turns bad when a series of events send the members of Avalanche into confusion and fear. Three words says it all. Oh. My. Gawd. Humor and chaos inside.
1. Chapter 1

Oh. My. Gawd.

a fanfic by Chauncey Chu

**Author's Notes**: Hey. Enjoying the summer? I sure am. _Not._ I don't think the title fits that well but I'll go with it. This is a fic to uh...commemorate...can't think of a simpler word...to...to celebrate summer. It's kinda late, but better late than never, right? Anyhoo, here's a Yuffentine. Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Shirtless, A New Fashion Statement

"Why is it _so_ freakin' hot?!"

"Because it's summer, Yuffs," Tifa answered matter-of-factly. She filled a glass with water and ice and slid it across the countertop to the ninja. Sitting on a bar stool, Yuffie caught the glass with no such effort and quickly chugged down the liquid. She slammed the glass down and turned her head to the right to glare at an electric fan sitting idly on the floor.

"It's all your fault!" she screamed at the broken appliance. The electric fan had malfunctioned and turned into a useless heap of technological crap. It seemed to give up, retiring from its job of fighting against the heat. The air-conditioner was no different from the fan.

Yuffie performed a facedesk. "It's so freakin' hot!"

"Stop complaining," Tifa suggested, "and do something about it." She handed Yuffie a small fan, though it was rejected promptly. Both females immediately turned their heads and watched as a shirtless gunman slowly descended down the stairs. The man strode past them, also appearing to be a victim of the absurd temperature. Vincent would not take off his clothing, unless it was really, really, really hot, hotter than a fried Jenova on a stick.

Tifa slammed her open hand on the countertop. Yuffie jumped and turned around. "What?"

Tifa's lips turned to the side. "You were staring."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. It was _so_ obvious."

"Pssh, whatever." Yuffie dismissed the matter with a wave of her hand as she spun back around on her barstool. She had to hide the shade of hot pink in her cheeks away from Tifa. An hour of teasing would ensue if she were to catch even a glimpse of it.

"Maybe he's the reason why you feel so hot."

Yuffie bounced back so fast that Tifa didn't even blink. "What did you say?!"

"Nothing," she said, smiling innocently yet not so innocently. Yuffie noticed that Tifa seemed to be looking somewhere else, ignoring her flaring glare. "A glass of water, Vincent?" the barmaid offered, now grinning at Yuffie. Yuffie whirled in her seat instinctively. Vincent's chiseled chest came face to face with her as she spun around. Her jaw dropped as she stared at it for several, awkward seconds. She traced the ivory skin up to his neck, then to his face. Two crimson orbs were looking down at her, bearing a fixed message of questioning pointed at her.

"H-Heya V-Vinnie," Yuffie tripped over her own tongue, her throat clogged and constricted.

He gave her a nod then looked up at Tifa. "Yes, please."

Tifa handed the glass over to Yuffie and gestured her to give it to Vincent. Gritting her teeth and glaring at Tifa, Yuffie took it and gave it to Vincent, pitting herself again into a long duration of staring. His chest slowly rose then sank in ceaseless repetition, his throat shifting up and down as he drank the refreshing cold water. Some of the liquid dripped from Vincent's lips. Yuffie found herself tracing it with her eyes as it ran down his neck, down to his chest.

"Thank you," Vincent told Tifa in his usual monotone. Yuffie stopped ogling, surprised by his voice. Smiling at Yuffie, Tifa took the glass and went to wash it, leaving the two behind. Yuffie instantly experienced goosebumps when Vincent was kind enough to take the barstool beside her. She gulped nervously and avoided looking at him. She saw Tifa smiling at her from the sink. Yuffie mouthed her a curse. In an attempt to forget the fact that the stoic man sitting beside her was exposed and was positioned far too close to her, Yuffie tried to start a conversation with him. Alas, she failed miserably. Before she could even speak a single word, she would end up staring at his toned muscles. Yuffie thanked Leviathan he didn't notice.

"_What's Cloud taking so long?_" Yuffie thought. Cloud was appointed to buy a new electric fan that morning. Yuffie glanced at the clock. It was already one in the afternoon. And it was getting even hotter. She mentally slapped herself when her eyes transferred from the clock to Vincent without her consent.

"Traffic," Vincent simply said. He was resting his arms on the countertop with a straight back, facing the opposite direction.

Yuffie snapped her head to the right to face the speaker. "Oops. Did I say that out loud?"

He nodded. "He said he would be back around four."

Eyes flickering from abs to face to chest then to abs again, Yuffie struggled to keep her eyes on his face. "How did you-"

Vincent held out his PHS. "This."

A small grin crept under Yuffie's lips at seeing the device. Before, Vincent never used it or a cellphone. Ever since the fall of Deepground, he had improved a lot. He wasn't completely the socially-retarded vampire she once knew anymore. He also spoke and smiled, smirked rather, more often. They always made her heart jump, no matter how faint they were.

"Argh. I can't take it anymore!" she yelled helplessly. She spun on her barstool and mimicked Vincent's pose. He shifted, somewhat annoyed. "It's so hot!" Yuffie shouted for the nth time.

Vincent nodded. "Indeed."

"Is there anything we can do to stop this torture? I don't wanna get heat stroke."

"Let's take a bath."

Flushing, Yuffie did the fastest double-take in the whole history of man. "W-What?" Her mind was then filled with unsolicited images of a steamy shower and two people. She mentally exploded when she realized how dirty her mind was.

"It's a good way to lower our body temperature."

Yuffie, pulled back to reality, buried her face into her hands. One more look at Vincent and she was sure she'd break and do something stupid, something that she would eventually regret. "Ghhhd."

Vincent only heard muffled noises. "Pardon?"

"Ghhhd."

He leaned closer to her, trying his best to hear her words. "Hmm?"

"I said-" At that moment, Yuffie detached her face from her palms and turned her head to look at Vincent. His face was only inches from hers, his proximity scaring the hell out of her. She instantly leaned backward in reflex. The shift of weight on the barstool made it tilt. Yuffie fell backwards. In one fluid motion, Vincent dove and caught her just before she collided with the unforgiving floor. One hand was supporting her neck while the other was supporting her knees. Figuring out that it was now a safe time, Yuffie slowly peeked her eyes open. She was wrong. She stared again at his chest for Leviathan-knows-how-long.

"Yuffie, are you alright?"

Startled by his deep voice, Yuffie shot her head up at him. She nodded nervously prior to being placed back on her feet. Her cheeks were now flaring with a dark shade of red. Tifa rejoined them and winked at her when Vincent wasn't looking. The stoic gunman's PHS rang. Vincent nodded at the two females and went outside to find a more settling silence for a better conversation. Though it was scorching hot, Seventh Heaven was still crammed with people.

"How many times did you look?" Tifa asked the disgruntled ninja.

Yuffie planted her face on the countertop in humiliation. "More than Reno's hookers and Cid's cigarette butts combined."

"Who the hell said my name?"

Tifa and Yuffie looked at the door. Another comrade shuffled inside the bar. Tifa was having many visitors that day, though she wasn't quite certain if she should be happy or sad about it.

"How're the both of ya?" It was Cid.

"Dying," Yuffie supplied.

Cid patted his pockets for a cigarette box. He took one and lit it, puffing out rings of smoke into Yuffie's face. Covering her nose, Yuffie fanned the air of death away with her hand.

"Isn't there a goddamn air-conditioner in here?" Cid grumbled, glancing around.

"It broke this morning," Tifa said calmly, her tone apologetic.

Yuffie's eyes widened for a split second then her head turned away when Cid did what she and Tifa feared the most. Cid took off his shirt and whipped it on the floor.

"That's more like it." He took a long drag and sat on a stool near Seventh Heaven's exit, puffing his hairy chest out at the customers who passed by. The ones who glanced at it nearly vomited on the way out.

"I-I have to wash the glasses." Tifa fled from the disturbing sight in a hurry. "I-I'll help!" Yuffie added, skipping over to the sink.

"Did you look?" Tifa whispered a question to the young lady beside her as she opened the faucet.

"Eww! Hell no!"

Yuffie giggled while Tifa stifled her laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh. My. Gawd.

a fanfic by Chauncey Chu

**Author's Notes**: I know the first half of the first chapter wasn't that interesting and fulfilling but I hope the rest of it will. I know Vincent wouldn't really take off his shirt in that case, but just go with it for my sake, okay? :D Thanks. I need to take time to apologize for the swearing in this part. It's intended to put more impact to the plot. Er...I can't explain it well. Anyway, here's the second chapter. Please, read and review.

Chapter 2: It Can't Get Any Worse Than This

Around five o'clock in the afternoon, Cloud heaved his exhausted body unto the steps of the bar. He carefully placed a large box down and nearly crushed the end of his fingers by doing so. Taking a deep breath, he weakly pushed the door open until it was ajar.

"_What the heck happened in here?_"

Tables and chairs were knocked down all over the place. Shattered glass painted the wooden flooring with a glistening crystal hue, contrasting the dark liquid, most probably beer, spilled across the floor. Cloud quickly scanned the area. Fear was pulling him into a state of panic.

"Tifa."

The footsteps of his metal boots echoed in the eerie room. The pieces of glass crunched as he stepped on them.

"Tifa?"

Silence.

"Tifa..."

No response.

"Tifa!"

Cloud rushed to the stairs. On the third step, his foot slipped on a ragged cloth and made him fall back down. Nursing his knee, he angrily looked for the cause of his misfortune. He nabbed it from his shoe and gave it a few seconds of observation. The cloth had a deep crimson dye.

"_Vincent._"

He looked up once more and saw a familiar set of boots sprawled on the fifth step. They were brown and lower-than-knee in length. They looked somewhat familiar. Cloud's mouth slightly dropped open when he remembered who the boots belonged to.

"_Yuffie too?_"

Mako eyes blazing green with seriousness, Cloud spun on his heel and headed to the kitchen. His nervous legs took him there faster than he could imagine. He threw the door open. His eyes widened at what he saw. On the sink was a certain female's glove, drenched in blood. Pacing slowly, he observed the glove for a minute. Instead of calming himself, his mind starting spitting out conspiracy theories that only worsened his fear. A few steps to the right was Cid's cigarette box. Cloud was completely sure it belonged to Cid. It had no markings of ownership, but his instinct could tell.

"_Oh my God. Don't tell me..."_

Before Cloud let himself drown in worries and anxiety, he went back to Seventh Heaven's exit to finish an urgent matter. He opened the door frantically and immediately looked down, expecting to see a large box. His jaw dropped. The brand new air-conditioner was gone.

"Fuck."

Vincent groaned in pain. His hand grasped the white sheets as a sharp object pierced his abdomen. The twinge faltered soon enough. Three figures entered the room and approached him, their silhouettes turning into clear images as the distance between him and them decreased.

"You alright, Vinnie?" a voice inquired.

Vision blurry, he forced a nod as his eyes tried to focus on the person. The young lady took his hand in hers gave him a tight squeeze. He could feel her care and gratitude through her touch. Another female spoke. "I'm sorry for what happened. I should have taken responsibility." Vincent nodded again. He heard a simple grunt that contained so much more meaning than ordinary people would think it had. It came from a gruff man on the far left. Vincent winced as the door suddenly slammed open, the sound reverberating in his ear like thunder. "What happened to ya, foo'?" He almost smirked at the statement and use of language. He knew well who it was without even looking at the dark man with a gun as a hand.

"He'll be fine within a day or so. I've already given him a vaccine that should counteract the infection, if it would occur," the doctor told the four guests. Yuffie kept her eyes fixed on Vincent. He eventually regained full vision. He drearily shifted his head and looked back at her. He then glanced around and found himself binded by white. He was in a hospital. As his headache cleared, the events unfolded in his mind like a flashback.

_Earlier that day, at Seventh Heaven..._

"_What's your problem?" a muscular man wearing a sleeveless top questioned, displaying unstained arrogance._

"_What's your problem?" the man from the other table asked back._

_The two men abruptly rose from their seats and walked to each other, fighting the first round of the brawl with their eyes. They stood face to face and glared at one another. The muscular lad withdrew and stepped back. However, the other man took it as an advantage and threw the first punch. Chaos ensued. The fighting grew larger as more people joined in, messing up the whole bar. Tifa was in too much panic to respond. Cid was nowhere to be found, possibly included in the fight. Having no other choice, Yuffie lunged into the ruckus and tried to stop the havoc. She did the first thing that came to her mind, which was extremely rash and irrational. Yuffie stepped up to the man who threw the first punch and kicked him up between his legs and punched the other one. The low-blow sent the man wriggling in pain on the floor. But, the punch was useless against the hulking other._

"_What was that for, chick?!" the tall man questioned angrily._

"_If you want to fight, take it outside dumbass!" Yuffie answered._

"_Who do you think you are to talk like that, huh?" _

_The man weakly pushed Yuffie. The 'weak' push forced her stumbling a few feet away. Craving challenges, Yuffie clenched her fist and dashed forward to attack. A split-second before impact, she noticed that the man had unveiled a knife from his back pocket. It was too late. She closed her eyes in fear of pain. The crowd grew silent as time idly passed. Not feeling any pain, Yuffie snapped open her eyes. A raven-haired man stood in front of her. A red substance dripped down on the floor between his feet. Blood. Vincent took the stab for her._

_The man with the knife took a quick step backwards and dropped the knife. Afraid, he ran out of the bar and dragged the whole mass of customers with him. Tifa ran to Vincent's side while Yuffie moved to his front to look at him. He first fell on his knees, then on the floor. The wound was pretty deep, and the stabbing motion was long and jagged – combining into a deadly attack. Cid came down from the stairs and had an idea of what happened. As fast as they could, they brought Vincent to the hospital._

"Vincent?"

Vincent blinked. Yuffie's voice had helped him out of his trance. He raised his eyebrows, giving her all his attention. He also became aware that everyone else had left the room.

"Is there anything I can get you? Water? Food?" Her eyes were naked with concern. Her eyebrows were slanted, forming a steep arch. Though laden with sorrow, she looked pretty. Vincent mentally reprimanded himself and dismissed the thought. He concluded that the vaccine had made him not only feel funny, but also think funny.

Vincent shook his head. "Thank you."

"Are you sure? Don't you want-"

"No." He was already content with her concern for him. It, Vincent had forced to think, was another effect of the vaccine.

Yuffie nodded, uncertain if she should accept his answer. She sat down on the side of his bed and just looked at him. She sighed and shook her head afterwards. "You're stupid, you know that?"

"...?"

"You shouldn't have stolen my spotlight. I could've kicked those suckers butts all the way to Wutai." She pouted cutely and folded her arms across her chest.

Vincent smirked. "Of course."

She shifted back to a worry state from her cheerful one. "Rest well, 'kay Vinnie?" She patted his head lightly and pranced out of the room. The room suddenly felt like an empty void without her. With only the rhythmic ticking of the clock to stop him from being consumed by the sheer tranquility of the white cube he was locked in, Vincent's eyes closed as he was slowly dragged into suspended consciousness.

Tifa, Yuffie, Cid and Barrett walked out of the hospital. They lingered for a bit, looking at the white building with their hands over their eyes to protect them. They all exchanged anxious looks until everyone's eyes fell on Cid. Tifa and Yuffie promptly looked away, disgusted.

"Where's your shirt, Cid?" Tifa inquired.

Cid looked at his chest and shrugged. "Left it at the bar. Got a problem with that?"

"No, unless you don't mind walking into a hospital shirtless," Yuffie said. She smirked, knowing that Cid's answer was most certainly no. The pilot grunted.

"Are you sure we should leave?" asked Yuffie, turning to Tifa.

"Yes, it's better if we would. Let's just visit him tomorrow," Tifa replied. The four were about to walk back home when doctors, nurses, patients and other staff came rushing out of the hospital's doors. They scrammed away in random directions as if their life depended on it. Confused, the four members of Avalanche watched the people run. Worried, Tifa made an advance back to the hospital. Before she could come within a meter's radius of it, the building's windows shattered and fire burst out when a deafening explosion ripped the noiseless street. Everyone's eyes widened, only one thing in mind. Vincent was still inside.

Yuffie rubbed her eyes and stared. "Oh. My. Gawd."


	3. Chapter 3

Oh. My. Gawd.

a fanfic by Chauncey Chu

**Author's Notes**: I hope the sudden twist in the second chapter wasn't a shock for you readers out there. This fic was not meant to be a serious one when I first started writing it. Oh well; it'll turn out happy anyway. I'm sad. Are you sad? No? Good. Then I'll make you.

Chapter 3: Too Many Problems

Cloud winced when a deafening explosion arose from a few blocks away. Smoke as dark as Sephiroth's wing whirled up into the limitless expanse of sky. Cloud hopped on Fenrir and sped towards the source. He came to a full stop when he spotted Tifa and the rest of the gang. Instead of feeling relief from seeing that they were alright, he even felt more worried.

"What happened?" he asked as he approached them from behind.

"T-The hospital..." Tifa's shaking voice alerted Cloud that the situation was serious.

"Vincent's still inside!" Yuffie screamed.

The entrance of the massive hospital were cut off by raging flames. The windows were like mouths spitting out fire. Like a beacon of hope, the siren of ambulances faded in as the large vehicles came nearer the hospital. In a matter of minutes, the hungry fire was extinguished. The firemen kept the Avalanche members from the hospital within a safe distance.

"But sir, our friend is in there!" Tifa argued.

"Our men are checking the building. Please, stay here. It is unsafe for you to go inside. Debris, smoke, the likes," one of the men wearing red helmets explained. The man's voice was clearly filled with duty, but it wasn't as assuring as Tifa wanted it to be. Later, a black bag was brought out of the burnt building. It's size was enough to fit one person inside. Two firemen zipped the bag-like container and brought it in front of them.

"We discovered one body. It's too burnt to be distinguished."

Yuffie started crying openly. Tifa bit her lips and tried to fight the tears. The three men simply shook their heads.

"My condolences." The fireman bowed and went to his post. That night, the five watched as the news covered the incident. They were all housed at Seventh Heaven, which was cleaned by them when they went back. Their mouths spoke no words, their eyes showed no emotion except sadness and their shoulders were slouched, expressing their melancholy moods.

Tifa turned the television off. "We should plan his funeral." The words came out dull and forced. No one answered. Yuffie, seated on the table, slammed her fist on the glass.

"It's unfair!"

The men dropped their heads and stared at the floor, eyebrows furrowed and fists clenched. Silence reigned for at least minutes. Yuffie shook her head and repeated, "It's so unfair."

"What is unfair?"

Everyone turned their heads. Out of the blinding darkness came a tall figure. The man slowly walked to them and sat on the last empty chair. The five people stared at him with wide eyes as if he were a ghost. A small lady got up from her seat and tackled him into a tight hug. She slammed her fists on his chest as tears formed in her eyes.

"You jerk! We were so worried..."

The others looked at each other. They were perplexed with a mix of happiness, confusion and shock. Tifa gained control of her mouth and chose to speak. "Vincent? I thought you were-"

Pushing the sobbing ninja off him, he gave Tifa a knowing nod. "I escaped the hospital through the back exit when the threat of a bomb was confirmed."

"How about the dead body the firemen found inside the hospital?" Yuffie picked herself up on the floor and latched herself unto Vincent again. Annoyed, he pushed her face away with his hand. "It was a fake carcass," he explained. They just believed him, disregarding how he had known.

Through calm crimsons, he shifted on his seat and said, "Someone is trying to kill me."

The statement sounded far-fetched for Cloud. "Maybe a terrorist just chose that hospital and you happened to be confined in it when it happened."

"If then, how would you explain the unreasonable lock on my door and the fact that the bomb was placed underneath my bed? I resulted to breaking the door down. The lock gave me no other choice."

"Why would that person sacrifice a whole hospital for it?" 

"To make it appear trivial or accidental."

Steam shot out from Barrett's nostrils. "We'll show that foo' who he's messin' with!" Cid took out a cigarette from a box and took a long drag. "What a goddamn killer."

Vincent's eyes narrowed. "Taking our current situation as a factor, it is safe to say that we are all targeted by someone."

"Someone worse than Sephiroth?" Yuffie folded her lips and beamed at Vincent. He flicked her away. "Everyone, exercise necessary caution."

Then, the blatant sound of car engines disrupted their conversation. From what Vincent could tell, there were ten or even twenty vehicles parked outside Seventh Heaven. Car doors clicked open and slammed shut. An army of suited soldiers positioned themselves in front of the bar. The sound of their loading rifles made Vincent shake his head in pure annoyance.

"They're here."

Vincent blazed outside, his crimson cape billowing behind him like a shadow. He took out Cerberus with a flourish and aimed it at the man inside the longest car, a black limousine.

"Reeve?" He later regretted speaking before shooting.

The soldiers around Vincent pointed their rifles at him. The gunman glanced behind his shoulder and told the others not to come out using only skillful eye contact polished by years of training.

"What do you want?" he growled at the man.

Reeve laughed. "The money. Avalanche is on ShinRa's wanted list again. Dead, not alive."

"What?"

"Soldiers, ready."

"What are you talking about?" he bought some time with a question. Vincent scanned the area for an escape route. Nada. The horde of armed men surrounded him from all angles.

"Aim."

The rifles were raised.

"Fir-"

"No!" Yuffie screamed and jumped out of the bar. She whirled Conformer in a curve as she landed on one knee, slicing severals rifles into half. The soldiers, surprised, ran about in panic. As fast as he could, Reeve rolled up his window and told the driver to step on the gas. Reeve felt his blood run cold when the door was blasted open. A gold claw ripped him out of the lavish vehicle and threw him on the ground.

"Speak up," Vincent's commanding tone spoke. Yuffie was busy behind him disposing of the remaining soldiers, knocking them out, not killing them. Reeve gulped as Vincent lowered Cerberus down to him, making him stare at the three scary barrels of death.

"I-I...Let me explain!"

Yuffie joined Vincent's side and gave a furious glare at Reeve. "Why did you try to kill Vincent, you bastard?" With all the force she could muster, she kicked him up where the sun don't shine. Reeve's eyes went in circles.

Reeve woke up with a mild migraine. He was tied to a chair – not with ropes, but with chains. Five people were staring at him, all their arms folded over their chests.

"What should we do with him, huh?" Yuffie asked her comrades, her hand motioning to a plastic container filled with sulphuric acid. Reeve felt really, really scared at the glint of promising torture in her eyes.

Vincent silently loaded Cerberus with three large rounds. Reeve started to think that the five figures in front of him were monsters. Barrett, pumped up, prepared the large gun on his hand for a Limit Break. Reeve gulped at the same time as Tifa cracked her knuckles. Sweat trickled down his back, which was unusually itchy. Cid grinned at Reeve when the executive started to show signs of uneasiness. Reeve's eyes widened when spiders, ants and wasps crawled over to his front from his back.

"G-G-Gah! Get them off of me!"

Cloud wielded his massive sword and inspected it for any rust. "How many slices of Reeve sashimi do you want, Vincent?" Reeve's left hand involuntarily trembled. He closed his eyes, wanting to go back to his dream of cute pink ponies and colorful rainbows.

"As many as you can."

They all moved slowly toward him, bearing frightening grins. He broke under their threat and shouted out, "I'm sorry!" Everyone stopped as if time itself had been interrupted.

"Er...The whole thing was a joke. The guns were loaded with confetti. It's hard to explain. B-But, it was Reno's idea!"

"A _joke?_" Vincent's eyes narrowed.

Reeve grinned at the gunman uncomfortably. "A-April Fool's?"

Cloud and Cid held Vincent back as he tried to smack the man silly with his gun. "You tried to kill me as a joke?!"

"The bomb's explosion was not timed. We had a device to ignite it and let it explode. We made sure everyone was out before we pressed the button."

The females both shook their heads. Cid threw a cigarette butt at Reeve. It almost burned his hair. Vincent nearly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Reno, was it?"

"Y-Yes. It was all his plan."

Keeping a certain red-headed Turk on his mind, Vincent stormed out of the room. The four followed Vincent with their eyes as he disappeared out of the room. They turned to Reeve all at the same time. He gulped at seeing their flaring glares. Cloud impaled his sword centimeters in front of Reeve's crotch. Yuffie juggled a pair of scissors and the container of acid from one hand to the other. Cid unveiled his Gospel from the back of the room. Barrett was ready to fire anytime.

"You're _so_ gonna pay. Let's start off with cutting your weenie." Yuffie smiled. "Don't worry. We have anesthesia," she pronounced, showing him the bottle of sulphuric acid.

Bloodcurdling screams frightened everyone who passed by Seventh Heaven. They quickly ran away for their lives, etching rumors of ghosts and torture chambers in their minds.


	4. Chapter 4

Oh. My. Gawd.

a fanfic by Chauncey Chu

**Author's Notes**: Thank God for helping me write this. I hope you at least lol'ed at the last chapter. Poor Reeve. XD The same goes with this one. If you don't laugh, I'll be sad. Without further ado, here's the fourth chapter.

Chapter 4: April's Fools

"RENO!"

A flaring Vincent made his way to ShinRa's headquarters. The staff dared not to interfere with the man in fear of his terrorizing glare. Vincent was known by all as composed and stoic. When they heard him yell in big, bold letters, they were sure that it would be better if they hid under their desks instead of stopping the man. Evidently, the three-barreled gun he was carrying around also had an equally large impact.

"RENO!"

Vincent took a sharp right and saw his target.

"Yo, Vincent! What brings you to-"

In a blink of an eye, Reno was slammed into the wall and Cerberus was placed between his eyes. Vincent leaned forward on him, taking out the Turk's breath. He grabbed him by the collar and nearly choked him with his crippling grip.

"W-What's...wrong...Vincent?" Reno coughed out painfully.

"What would you feel if I shot you right now and let a Behemoth devour your remains then tell you 'April Fool's'?" Vincent glared at him in deadly earnest.

Reno immediately picked up. He knew what the man was angry about. He lifted his hands in the air, trying to maintain an innocent, cool and suave condition. "I'd laugh. Awesome trick."

Not able to contain his anger, Vincent placed Cerberus back to its holster and gave Reno a hard flick on the forehead.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" the Turk yelled before losing himself into a world of pain and cussing.

"April Fool's." Vincent dropped him and let him slide down the wall. Reno plopped to the floor like a plate of jelly, raising his head to look at the leaving Vincent afterwards.

Successfully suppressing his anger, Vincent calmly stepped up to the bar and pushed the door open. His oval eyes widened so much that they were nearly as large as Yuffie's. He was relieved that Denzel and Marlene were at summer camp to have not seen this. Reeve was sprawled on the floor, looking neither alive nor dead. His face was blasted with random make-up. His shirt was torn with slash marks on the front and on the side. He had his hands clamped against his...uh...thing, as if he were hit there hard. His left leg was blackened by cigarettes while his right was perfectly normal. But wait. On the left leg, hair was present. On the right, there was nothing. He was given a bizarre wax treatment, Vincent concluded. He stepped on the body with a forceful stomp and headed to the kitchen.

"Oops. I stepped on a body," Vincent whispered to the air, smirking. Reeve, writhing in pain, cursed under his breath.

Vincent opened the door to the kitchen and sighted his comrades sitting on the table, seemingly waiting for him. They all glanced at him when he entered, but they returned their gaze back to Cloud, who had his arms folded defensively. Though the sun had already set hours ago, the temperature was still rocketing sky high compared to usual nights. The sweat on their heads served as solid proof.

"Is anything wrong?" Vincent inquired, taking the last vacant chair. He ignored the part of him that wondered why the other men were shirtless.

"Is anything wrong?" Yuffie started irritatedly, "The temperature's wrong. Aren't you even feeling hotin those thick clothes?"

"Oh, I sure he does. Well, at least you think he is," muttered Tifa. Yuffie, flushing the same color as Vincent's cape faster than Cloud fixes his hair with a swipe of his hand, glared at Tifa with stormy greys.

"Chocobo-butt was so shocked when he saw that the bar was a mess when he arrived earlier. He left the air-con outside. He left it outside, for chrissake! And it got stolen. Jeebus." Yuffie rolled her eyes prior to shaking her head and slamming it down on the wooden table. "Ow," she uttered not long after as she nursed her forehead, earning a smirk from Vincent.

Tifa sighed. "Should we report it to the police or should we just buy a new one?"

"No one messes with us! We'll track 'em down and beat the hella crap outta them," Yuffie said bravely, not knowing that she had a blot on her forehead. Tifa chuckled while everyone else restrained their laughter.

"What's so funny?" Yuffie looked around. Then she sniffed her armpit. "Hey, I don't smell! At least not as bad as Barrett."

Not able to contain it anymore, Cid fell on the floor and rolled, laughing. Barrett guffawed. Cloud laughed openly and Tifa covered her mouth with her hand while also having her share of laughing. Vincent, as disappointing as Yuffie thought, only gave her a smirk.

"Oh! I know."

Everyone gave Yuffie a second of their silent attention.

"Oh my Gawd. Vincent farted, didn't he?"

Cid roared in laughter and rolled again, eventually hitting his head on one of the table's legs. Barrett kept guffawing his lungs out, slamming his fists on the table in addition. Cloud had a smile from ear to ear as he joined the laughter. Tifa wrapped her arms around her stomach, which was already in pain after all the laughing. Vincent simply stared at them. The audible mirth faded after a few seconds. In an unsynchronized order, they turned to Vincent, curious to see his reaction.

"What? It is normal for humans to fart, am I correct?"

All of them bursted out laughing. Vincent narrowed his eyes and exhaled through his nostrils. He just didn't know what was so damn funny.

"You look like a horse when you do that, Vince," Yuffie commented between laughs, mimicking him by enlarging her nostrils then making them as small as she could. "Your nose holes are so big."

"Nose holes? You mean nostrils."

"Nose holes, butt holes, whatever."

Cloud slapped his face with a hand, unable to take the laughing. Tifa had the same reaction. Cid was not laughing. He had hit his head on the leg of the table too many times, causing it to bleed and send him into unconsciousness. Barrett's voice gurgled as he choked on his own spit from laughing too hard. Vincent shook his head and stood up.

"A-April Fool's, Vincent, April's Fools!" Yuffie yelled as the pissed gunman walked out of the room. Vincent smirked when he was out of the humor room. "_Sure, Yuffie. All of you are April's Fools._"

**Author's Notes**: End! Well, how was it. This is my second attempt at a fanfic. Is it good enough? Thanks for the time you've wasted, erm...used rather, in reading this story. This has been Oh. My. Gawd., I wish you had a good time reading. Good luck, God bless, and enjoy life. -Salutes and smiles- And oh yeah, a belated April Fool's.


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